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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| "what if?"
so dangerous
a thing
to wonder
to ask
to entertain these
thoughts
is to light
a fuse
in one's brain
there's no need for
"what if's"
no need to even
think aloud.
just uttering
the phrase
can be
a dangerous thing,
indeed.
SMS 2006 | | |
| My life for worse, or better... I'm just craving for a
cure.
I'm walking this feeling round, like a man possesed.
There are so
many things just pulling me down,
but most have already guessed.
I don't call friends anymore and I burn bridges that I should've kept. | | |
| I'll live through this
mistakes are made
and
they're the ones
you promised
yourself
(and anyone who'd listen)
that you'd
never-never-never
make
one after another
tumbling
falling upon each other
sticking
building
weighing you down
even though you
dust yourself off
after
every fall
and this last one
is
a
doozy
and
you swear that
you hit your head
this time.
sms 2006
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| I've been working forty hours or more a week. I feel like I barely have time to breath without inhaling coffee. I used to like the smell of coffee, but not now--It permeates everything.
Tim and I still get to see each other. I kip over at his place every-other-night. We've planned a vacation for next month in--Of all places--Tennessee. Hopefully it'll all work out and I'll be relaxed when I get back to Hell. I feel like I have so much I need to get done and sort through before the end of this year. Vacationing feels close to a waste of time...
I'm at Mom's house right now (sponging the internet). Although I don't miss the insane disfunctionality that I endured when I lived with them, I do miss the good times. I'm glad I'm able to make time for them. It's just wonderful.
*sighs*
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| It's Always Too Late...
As usual, I'm trying to stay awake - but it's too late.
I've been so tired lately. What's wrong with me? I'm constantly anxious and unable to really rest even though my body is truly tired. I was talking to Wai, and I'm thinking it might be because of Sbux. That place just makes everyone angry and tired. Customer service makes one hate other people.
Everyone is stupid.
Everyone is mean.
Everyone needs to DIE.
(and you thought postal workers were homocidal).
I'm thinking one more year at Sbux might kill me. I should get out before it's way too late. Where? When? How? And I guess that's where the stress plays in... I wake up at 3am everyday (even when I don't have to) with my heart racing and feeling like I'm going to vomit because I so desperately hate that place.
Being a supervisor doesn't make this feeling go away. I stay up nights worrying that I screwed up the money, or I didn't set the alarm... I have dreams about the bar breaking and Michael Mack wanting a soy cappuccino.
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